I know. It has been a ridiculous amount of time since I have been on here. Oops. Because it would be horribly difficult for me to recap what I have done in the past few weeks I am just going to write about what comes to mind--a rehashing of Mr. Rhicards 11th grade English class if you will. :)

I cannot exactly explain the way I feel tonight. A sense of empowerment, a horrible feeling of being overwhelmed, independence, fear, frustration, anxiety, happiness, excitement...all rolled into one. How does that work?

My internship continues to go exceedingly well. I love it more and more each day and am still learning so much. I have been asked by numerous individuals if I would like to permanently work there, and I really think I would. I love working with the refugee population and find such importance in what I do and what others do at this organization. Yes, at times it is overwhelming and stressful--but what job isn't? What job worth its salt does not give you some sense of being overwhelmed? I would rather have it that way than be bored or have a feeling that what I am doing is menial. I want to be challenged and I want to go home and think about ways in which I can create change. I want this passion to continue. I was talking with my BSW seminar supervisor about how important passion is within social work--and within all occupations. We discussed the issue of social workers having a high burn-out rate and losing their passion for their work. Or, on the other hand some social workers do not find passion within their work. They continue to work at the organization they are at or with the population they are working with in hopes that passion will pop up, but it doesn't. I have found passion in this internship. On my train ride home after work there are days that I cannot help but beam with happiness. I love what I do and I want to continue it.

My classes are going well. They definitely keep me busy. Journals every day and papers every week. Readings and responses, etc. Discussions and thought-provoking readings. Studies and research projects. The joys of being a student. :) I have been wondering lately if I want to continue my education. I graduate this December and, I know I have written about this before, but I am unsure if I want to jump right into the work force or if I want to continue studying social work and receive my MSW. It is the smartest thing to continue my education while I am still in the mindset of being a student. I know. But, whenever I sit down and work on my grad school applications and personal statements, I quickly lose interest. I would rather research job openings in Chicago. Is this showing me that I should start working? I don't know. I know it is logical to get my MSW. It only takes a year and why not keep going, right? Hm... I am applying...slowly...but applying. We will see. If I get into a school in Chicago I will probably go. If I don't, well, we will see.

I did not think I would like it in Chicago as much as I do. I love the diversity, the culture, the people. I feel alive walking down the street. I do not feel alive in Sioux Center or Cloquet. At least, not the same type of alive. As usual, I am confused as to where I am supposed to go and what I am supposed to do. I feel as if I am at a crossroads. Grad school or work, Chicago or another city, work in Cloquet for a bit or jump out there. Oh my. My roommate and I were talking about how wonderful it would be if we had a magic eight ball that we could really trust. "Magic eight ball, do I move to Chicago?" "Magic eight ball, do I move home for a bit?" Etc. Etc. Etc. Life is not that simple.

Life in the city is continuing to go well. I have been attending many different art events and have been out and about (insert Minnesotan/Canadian accent) exploring the city. Last week I went to a version of Frankenstein, saw Jersey Boys, and visited numerous social work agencies around the city. I also visited small art gallery, volunteered at the Rebuilding Exchange, experienced part of a Diwali celebration, and traipsed around the city.

I feel the need to do. Do something. Change something. Create something. I am horrified of the future, but also enthralled by it. I want it more than anything, but I would like it to takes its own sweet time getting here. It is true, what they say, that time goes faster as you get older. I am only 21 and I feel as if every day is a blink. What is it going to feel like when I am 80? Hm. Well, with the way that time is going, I will be sure to find out quite soon.